I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
nutella sex= disaster
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
