Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
