U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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