He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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