i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
