omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
