Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
