Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
