People with herpes should wear stickers.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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