Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
