sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
