she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
