Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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