$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
