i need an iv and a liver transplant
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
