No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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