i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
