Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
