Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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