I think i peed on brittanys purse
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
