He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
