dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
where am i from again
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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