for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
