I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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