Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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