Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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