you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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