My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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