I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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