I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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