ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
