What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
