i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Im just a social blackout drinker.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You pole danced in your parka.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
