Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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