I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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