Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
