Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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