Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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