dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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