Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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