I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
