so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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