Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
