the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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