If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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