the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
