when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
