I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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