She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
