im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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