I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
